Who wants another mock draft? Damn right you do. A finance guy, a bartender, a law student, and a bingo player got together on twitter, figured out somehow that only was 3 people, and did a mock draft complete with trades and other nonsense. K.M. Venne, Cole Zwicker, and the CEO of Happy Hour Seth Cox (tee hee hee Cox) went back and forth alternating selections. Here is what we came up with:
1. New Orleans Hornets – Seth takes Anthony Davis. Duh.
Charlotte Hornets – Cole trades the 2 for the 4 and the 24.
2. Cleveland Cavaliers – Cole takes Bradley Beal. Swagger U is the statement made here.
3. Washington Wizards – K.M. takes Michael Kidd-Gilchrist, because Washington didn’t trade for vets to not take the NBA ready kid right here.
4. Charlotte Hornets – Seth throws the conventional wisdom out with the bathwather and one or two of the kids and takes Harrison Barnes here for Charlotte.
5. Sacramento Kings – Cole takes Thomas Robinson to compliment Boogie down low and make the Kings even more of an enigma.
Portland Trail Blazers – K.M. trades the 6 to Houston for the 12 and the 18 as part of a master plan that would be later foiled :(
6. Houston Rockets – Houston takes Andre Drummond, who they covet for no discernible reason.
7. Golden State Warriors – Seth takes Dion Waiters for Golden State, recreating the failed blueprint that the Warriors can’t seem to get away from.
Toronto Raptors – Cole trades the 8th pick to Portland for the 11th and the 40th and cash (K.M. notes: 1. Fuck you Cole. 2. Paul Allen is paying cash out now? LOLOLOLOLOLOL)
8. Portland Trail Blazers – Cole takes Damien Lillard, apparently striving for some sort of accuracy instead of allowing K.M.’s twisted vision for Portland to come to pass on this mock.
9. Detroit Pistons – K.M. takes John Henson’s Wingspan, a.k.a John Henson’s Inability To Bench Press The Bar, a.k.a classic Joe Dumars mistake pick.
10. New Orleans Hornets – Seth takes Tyler Zeller, who leads the league in baskets made for the other team next season
11. Toronto Raptors – Cole has Toronto getting their man, the terrible Austin Rivers, and creates the earth swallowing paradox of Toronto blowing the pick but getting cash and a 2nd rounder to move down to do so.
12. Portland Trail Blazers – K.M. starts off his Portland plan by selecting Perry Jones III
13. Phoenix Suns – resident Suns fan Seth takes Jeremy Lamb, because he would rather have Terrence Ross and knows Phoenix never drafts who he wants
14. Milwaukee Bucks – Cole takes Terrence Ross and pretends he would care about Milwaukee basketball if this happened. He’s a devout liar.
15. Philadelphia 76ers – K.M. gets the easy pick and takes Meyers Leonard here
16. Houston Rockets – Seth takes Moe Harkless here and likes the pick. That makes one vote for, one vote against, and Cole abstaining.
17. Dallas Mavericks – Cole takes Terrence Jones here and hopes Mark Cuban buys him a motor.
18. Portland Trail Blazers – K.M. takes Fab Melo here and says Lillard/Batum/Perry Jones III/Aldridge/Fab Melo can become elite in the West sooner rather then later, is laughed at by all, gives zero fucks.
19. Orlando Magic – Seth goes Arnett Moultrie, gives Orlando fans a brief moment of happiness before normal Orlando fandom and the misery it represents ensures.
20. Denver Nuggets – Cole gives Denver Kendall Marshall, a very Denver pick.
21. Boston Celtics – K.M. takes the easy way out and goes with Royce White, the likely Boston guarantee owner, at 21
22. Boston Celtics – Seth goes outside the box and takes Evan Founier here. Well, as outside the box as Danny Ainge wanting a foreign guy is. Not very, thinking about it…
23. Atlanta Hawks – Cole keeps the pick out of boredom and laziness and takes Andrew Nicholson
24. Charlotte Bobcats – K.M. takes Jared Sullinger, decides a team of Walker/Barnes/Tyrus Thomas/Sully/Biyombo and Gordon off the bench is the worst team ever. Wishes he could sway Tyrus for Tyreke Evans and create the worst team that ever was or will be. The anti-Qarth Bobcats, if you will
25. Memphis Grizzlies – Seth takes the obligatory PG for Memphis and drafts Marcus Teague
26. Indiana Pacers – Cole takes Draymond Green, the most Donnie Walsh pick ever
27. Miami Heat – K.M.takes Deron Lamb. Sick pick for Miami
28. Oklahoma City – Seth takes Quincy Miller, K.M.’s favorite sleeper. K.M. groans
29. Chicago Bulls – Cole takes Jeffrey Taylor out of a personal obligation to put him in the first round.
Golden State Warriors – K.M. trades this pick with Dorrell Wright to Brooklyn for Anthony Morrow, Johan Petro (into the Udoh TE) and the future 1st owed to Brooklyn by Houston, assuring Brooklyn gets to make a pick and making both teams somehow lose a trade
30. Brooklyn Nets – K.M. takes Jared Cunningham because Billy King heard his draft stock was rising and hope his hype gives the team cred.