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Sweet Caroline

Posted in Boston Marathon, Sports Opinions No Comments »

The Boston Marathon bombing took place six miles from my front door. While I have lived through the Oklahoma City Bombings of 1995, September 11th, and countless other random acts of horror, nothing has impacted me personally quite like the tragic events of 117th running of the Boston Marathon. My boss called me at 7 PM Monday night and told me I had to go down to Berkeley Street to guard the unclaimed bags from runners who, for one reason or another, were unable to collect their possessions amidst the explosions and chaos. I sat outside in the streets of Boston from 8 PM until 7:30 in the morning. For someone who has called Boston their home since I was born in September of 1989, one thing stood out to me more than anything else: I have never heard the city that quiet… Ever.

Posted by: Coley Michalik Apr 17, 2013 Read More

Shut Up, Bruh

Posted in NBA No Comments »

“Let me calculate my thoughts real fast before I say (what I want to say),” James said. “I believe and I know that a lot of my fouls are not basketball plays. First of all, Kirk Hinrich in the first quarter basically grabbed me with two hands and brought me to the ground. The last one, Taj Gibson was able to collar me around my shoulder and bring me to the ground. Those are not defensive … those are not basketball plays.” … “It’s been happening all year, and I’ve been able to keep my cool and try to tell Spo, ‘Let’s not worry about it too much.’ But it is getting to me a little bit because every time I try to defend myself, I got to face the consequences of a flagrant for me or a technical foul, whatever the case may be,” James said. “It’s tough. It’s tough. It’s very tough, and I’m not sitting here crying about anything because I play the game at a high level. I play with a lot of aggression, and I understand that some of the plays are on the borderline of a basketball play or not, but sometimes you just got to … I don’t know. It’s frustrating.”

After “The Decision” and before Game 6 of the 2012 Eastern Conference Finals, there was no bigger LeBron James hater on the face of the planet than the man typing this article. In fact if I ever meet LeBron again and he just slugs me in the face I wont even be mad. It would be completely deserved from the daily trolling I used to exercise in his at mentions on Twitter. That’s right, I wasn’t just running my mouth to my friends or cursing at the television any time he was playing. It was directly in his face on a daily basis for almost two years. Just running my mouth. Never using those whack fourth quarter jokes that everyone used, either. Just unnecessary hate right in his grillmix 24/7, 365. Never racist, never homophobic, sometimes Delonte West-centric. But after Game 6 on the Boston Garden parquet, there was no reason for it. LeBron went from the ultimate choker to the player he was destined to be all in the biggest game of his life. (Side note: LeBron James has never and WILL never play in a bigger game than Game 6 of those ECF.)

Posted by: Coley Michalik Mar 28, 2013 Read More

MLB Preview Spectacular

Posted in AL Central, AL East, AL West, Bryan and Coley give Boston a bad name, MLB Preview, NL Central, NL East, NL West No Comments »

YES. IT. IS. The return of baseball season is around the corner which means I’ll be asking Coley why nine articles a week are going on IBN and I’m writing John Lackey Hall of Fame articles to fill “The Quarters” baseball content. It’s the time of year where we all have false hopes that this season will be different and the path to a World Series will run through our beloved franchises. It’s a time when Coley and I make David Ortiz’s Hall of Fame argument. It’s a time when Seth wonders what the hell happened to Luis Gonzalez and Craig Counsell. It’s a time where K.M does endless amounts of drugs and wonders who this Alberto Hernandez is at first base. Gus Elvin starts polishing off the Tampa Bay Rays Wild Card rings for another run at runner-up supremecy. Cole gets drunk and asks, what the hell is baseball? And YOU, the loyal supporters of the greatest sometimes sports, sometimes nothing to do with sports Headquarters watch it all unravel with amazement as the Yankees win 90 again, the Braves find a new way to choke and the Pirates lose 22 straight to end the year and finish 80-82. It’s America’s Pasttime for a reason people, and here’s EXACTLY how it will all play out on the field in 2013.

AL East

Posted by: Coley Michalik Mar 26, 2013 Read More

Blacktop Logic: You Cannot Defend Brandon Knight

Posted in NBA, RIP Brandon Knight No Comments »

Yahoo! – For this, he’s a punch line now. He’s a joke. For everyone celebrating (DeAndre) Jordan’s fantastic lob dunk over a guard some 8 inches shorter and 80 pounds lighter, they’ve made Knight an object of ridicule. A widely followed parody account of comedian Kevin Hart tweeted that Jordan had been brought up on “charges of rape & aggravated assault against Brandon Knight,” and tombstones declaring Knight dead were popping up on the Internet. The message is clear to players everywhere, on every level: Run away. Hide. Don’t try to take the charge. Don’t try to disrupt the play. There’s no reward. This is how backward the basketball culture has become, how twisted the value system.

I would like to preface this by saying Adrian Wojnarowski of Yahoo! Sports is the best basketball writer in the game today. Whether it’s breaking news, analysis, or just plain knowledge of the game, Woj is the modern day gold standard. But being the best does not necessarily mean you are always correct. And in this particular instance, Woj seems to have dated himself. Or, at the bare minimum, he makes himself out to look like someone who has never taken his game to the blacktop.

Posted by: Coley Michalik Mar 11, 2013 Read More

Battle of the Trolls

Posted in Richard Sherman, Skip Bayless, Trolling 101 1 Comment »

First Take – “I believe my numbers speak for themselves,” Sherman told Smith. “My tape speaks for itself. My tape is my resume. That is what I leave it up to. You can say whatever you want. Skip can say whatever he wants. But Skip, whenever you refer to me, whenever you speak to me, whenever you address me, address me as ‘All-Pro Stanford graduate’ because those are some accomplishments you’ll never — you can aspire to, you’ll never accomplish.” Sherman was just getting started. “You have never accomplished anything,” he continued, focusing on Bayless. “So, but, um, those things are on my resume, those are what I’ve done, it’s my second year in the NFL going into my third. I mean, you tell me who’s wrong.”

The answer: cornerbacks and wide receivers. The question: Who are the biggest divas in all of sports? Richard Sherman, Pro Bowl corner from the Seattle Seahawks, is making sure someone at least attempts to carry the diva torch ignited by Leon Sandcastle’s doppleganger Deion Sanders as he has been chirping up a storm ever since Seattle won their Week 6 Super Bowl against the New England Patriots at home. For a player only entering his third season in the NFL, Sherman has done enough on the field to warrant praise from fans and analysts alike. But that’s completely unnecessary. Because who needs the praises of your contemporaries when you can just tell everyone how you’re God’s gift to the world all by yourself? Better yet, who needs personal praises when you lose a playoff game against a franchise which scored TWO total points in the playoffs the year prior? I mean, the Seahawks needed as much offseason as possible to polish their Week 6 rings. Only a psychopath would want, yanno, an ACTUAL Super Bowl ring.

Posted by: Coley Michalik Mar 07, 2013 Read More

The Real Top 50 Songs of the 2000s

Posted in Uncategorized 2 Comments »

I have no idea who came up with this list. In fact, I don’t even know when this list was compiled, but it was brought to my attention yesterday that VH1 had put out their 100 Greatest Songs of the ’00s list. Needless to say, it was wrong, wrong, and more wrong. I was shaking my head up and down the list. Erroneous placements. Ridiculous songs excluded from the list all together. Songs which had no business in the Top 500 songs let alone the Top 100. So naturally, I made it my duty and responsibility to set the record straight. To give you the ultimate Top 50 list from a decade which saw a young Coley travel from 6th grade all the way to college. Now, I could give you a full 100, but no one wants to read 100 sarcastic, unnecessary comments about 100 different mediocre at best songs. Which is why I’m giving you 50 with a bonus 10 songs which VH1 put on their list which are just going directly into the woodchipper. Straight drawn and quartered. Tarred and feathered. Treated like that mature looking Harry Potter character from Shawn of the Dead. Any complaints? Feel the need to praise me and my genius? @ColeyMick is the handle on Twitter. For now, time to hop in the Not-So-Wayback Machine and revisit the previous 10 years which proceeded the last three… Yeah.

Posted by: Coley Michalik Feb 22, 2013 Read More

Fixing the Dunk Contest

Posted in Dunk Contest, NBA, NBA All Star Weekend No Comments »

For well over a decade now, one night out of the year has brought forth same complaints as if they were running on a continuous loop. “The dunk contest sucks.” “He didn’t land it on the first attempt it shouldn’t count.” “Who even is that guy?” “I could do that.” ”Props are stupid.” “It was better in the ’80s.” “LeBron’s sitting courtside! He could have competed!” Shut. Up. Look, the dunk contest is unique in the way that there is no other event in any other sport even close to it’s level of athleticism mixed with creativity. The Home Run Derby is a great exhibition, but that is more suited for comparison with the Three Point Contest than the Dunk Contest.

Now, was I happy with this year’s dunk contest? Yes and no. I thought the judges had no idea what scores to give out to anyone at any point during the event. Kenneth Faried and Jeremy Evans easily had the best set of dunks after the first round (and that’s ONLY because Gerald Green couldn’t land his second dunk until after the clock expired). James White turned out to be a dud, which was disappointing. And while Terrence Ross isn’t winning any awards for originality, his four dunks were impressive enough to satisfy me. But the contest’s fundamental flaw seems to have finally caught up to the contest itself. It was great watching Michael Jordan dunk from the free throw line… for the first time. It was great when Vince Carter and Jason Richardson were jumping out of the gym. Andre Iguodala still has one of the most impressive dunks I’ve ever seen (and sadly no crown to show for it). But the fundamental flaw isn’t that the players can’t come up with anything new or different. It’s that lay-up line dunks aren’t nearly as impressive as in game dunks. Never have been. Never will be. You change that and, well, now would be a good time to buckle up.

Posted by: Coley Michalik Feb 16, 2013 Read More

Handicapping All Star Weekend

Posted in Dunk Contest, NBA All Star Weekend, Skills Competition, Three Point Contest 3 Comments »

BBVA Rising Stars Challenge

#TeamChuck: Anthony Davis, Kenneth Faried, Kawhi Leonard, Bradley Beal, Ricky Rubio, Tristan Thompson. Nikola Vucevic, Brandon Knight, Isaiah Thomas, & Alexey Shved
#TeamShaq: Kyrie Irving, Damian Lillard, Andrew Nicholson, Klay Thompson, Harrison Barnes, Chandler Parsons, Dion Waiters, Michael Kidd-Gilchrist, Tyler Zeller, & Kemba Walker

The dichotomy between coaches Shaquille O’Neal and Charles Barkley makes this game intriguing enough. But what most had hoped for in this game will not come to fruition as two of basketball’s best young point guards will be paired up on #TeamShaq. Instead of being able to watch Kyrie Irving and Damian Lillard compete head to head, I’m willing to wager that they will still find a way to compete against each other – on the same team. #TeacmChuck doesn’t stand a chance in this game. Literal zero. Only way #TeamChuck could even potentially win this game is if Ricky Rubio throws lob after lob to Anthony Davis and Kenneth Faried while Bradley Beal goes 10-for-10 from distance. That aint happening. Kemba Walker could be the wild card in this game. Walker is no scrub, and playing behind Irving and Lillard may be enough to motivate him to show out once he subs into the game. But in my eyes the MVP of this game will either be Lillard or Irving. Whoever scores more points, really. I’m leaning toward Irving, but it’s a toss up.

Rising Stars MVP – Kyrie Irving

Posted by: Coley Michalik Feb 15, 2013 Read More

Wake Me Up When the Snow Melts

Posted in Uncategorized No Comments »

As that monkey struck every key on his typewriter trying to re-create a classic novel for C. Montgomery Burns, he put into words what a mere human could not, “It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times.” Well said, highly intelligent super-ape. For a little more than decade, January in Boston has been somewhat of a miserable bliss. The weather has been miserable while the Patriots, Celtics, and Bruins have brought the city a plethora of bliss. But that was the past. In present day, the Patriots and Celtics have seen both of their seasons come to untimely ends within a week of eachother (According to ELIAS, this is the first time in the history of sports in which this occurance has happened). Between the Patriots coming up short against the Baltimore Ravens and Rajon Rondo tearing his ACL against the Atlanta Hawks, these are unfamiliar waters for a homer such as myself. And if I’m being honest, I haven’t the slightest of clues what to do with myself. These are the blurst of times in a long while.

Posted by: Coley Michalik Jan 30, 2013 Read More

Dear Danny Ainge… You’re Welcome

Posted in Coley Fires Up The Trade Machine, NBA No Comments »

Capture

There are a couple of points I would like to hit on before I dive into this glorious trade you see above. Over the past few days many Celtics’ bloggers have written various articles saying that Jeff Green needs to be inserted into the starting lineup over Paul Pierce. That it would allow Green to run with Rajon Rondo and Avery Bradley while allowing Pierce to a primary scorer off the pine and blah, blah, blah. Look, I try to think outside of the box as often as possible to come up with unorthodox solutions to common problems. Bringing Pierce off the bench is one thing. But in favor of Jeff Green? That’s as wrong as wrong can be. You want Green to play more minutes with Rondo and Bradley? Here’s a wild solution: MAKE GREEN THE SIXTH MAN! Or better yet, cut him out of the picture all together.

Posted by: Coley Michalik Jan 26, 2013 Read More

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